Grandfather sits with his grandson watching into the heart of the flames...slowly he begins to speak to the boy...
Two wolfs wage war inside of me...One wolf is full of optimism, kindness, honesty, gratitude, humility, and acceptance.
The other is full of pessimism, envy, greed, insecurities, and fear.
The two men - one at the end of his life's journey, the other at the beginning - sit in the silence.
Finally, the young boy turns to his grandfather and asks, "which one is winning?"
Grandfather answers, "The one I feed."
The crux of our practice today is about choice. We are made in the image of god, and therefore we were given freewill. We were giving the ability to choose. This is our magick. And our awesome - and sometimes terrifying - gift.
We choose moment to moment...
paper or plastic,
TV or book,
give a friendly smile or pretend I don't see them,
brownie for breakfast or dinner,
tell the whole truth or allow illusion,
half-full or half-empty,
box store or independent,
paper cup or skip the coffee,
cook or carry out,
allow or control,
step up or run away,
Laugh or take it personally,
and on and on and on....
It would be so nice if each of these small choices were simply black and white - "this is good and this is bad and I want to be good so I'll choose good." The thing is, life ain't so clearly black and white. There is a whole lot of graydation there...various attachments and aversion competing in our heads for thone. Will my inner perfectionist win out or my inner terrified child?
For me, chocolate is a benign example. "Well, I know the sugar makes me anxious, so I'll skip the brownie and feel so much superior to those who don't have enough discipline to eschew 'bad' foods." But meanwhile there is another, equally loud voice saying, "Eat the brownie. Eat the brownie! Eat the brownie!!!!!! Come on...eat the brownie... It's not that big of a deal...and it tastes so good. Come on...you deserve a little treat today"
So who wins? Which do I feed?
It's not as black and white as grandfather makes it out to be.
Do I stay in the relationship to practice loving another? Or do I set a boundary and practice loving myself?
Do I tell the whole truth even though it will hurt many? Or do I let it slide and help everyone avoid pain?
Do I ignore them out of respect for the person I have to meet in 5 min, or do I stop to say hi even though I know it will make me late?
I think it's Eddie Murphy who sums up this conundrum best...When asked between plastic and paper at the grocery checkout...he freezes not knowing which is the best environmentally. Finally he comes to a decision..."just shove it up a spotted owls ass and call it good."
We have free will.
Each of our minute, moment-to-moment decisions, create our lives. Yet the decisions are anything but black or white. There is no good and bad. Simply choices that serve the path we want to walk.
So we begin to make them more consciously.
Today I grabbed a paper cup. My desire for convenience outweighed my desire to be environmentally responsible. I'm still ok! Yet, I would like my actions to better reflect my values...so tomorrow, I'll either bring a cup or skip the coffee.
Yesterday, I was feeling insecure, so ignored a friend in the grocery store. Its okay. Now I have a chance to love myself unconditionally and grow my self esteem. Maybe next time, I'll feel secure enough to go say hi.
Today, I woke up and choose life. Tomorrow I'll do the same. There was a time in my life when I didn't. It was a hard time, because I still had to live everyday. It feels better to choose it.
So maybe Everything isn't a choice. Maybe some of it is fated. I like how Sammy Hagar sang in in the late 1980's , "I believe in fate and destination, but so much of that lies in our own hands."When we choose - even if it is to choose something that is already fated for us - we spark an act of power. We release resistance and empower ourselves...and that changes everything.
An act of power to choice comes from our solar plexus...from the manipura chakra - the glowing, warm, bright, yellow orb within us that is as powerful as the sun. The deciding which choice to make? That can come from the solar plexus, but then it's more of the ego's choice. Ideally, we practice listening to that power greater than anything we could possibily imagine that exists within us. Ideally, we open our minds to listen for the decision, and then call up our fire to bring that choice into manifestation. From there, we make "good" choices - both grand and small - moment to moment. THAT is the practice.
Perhaps today your act of power is simply to take your vitamins. Perhaps that is all that can be mustered. One act of power a day is enough when that is all that can be done. Congratulate yourself for it.
Perhaps your act of power is to sit down for 5 minutes to do the craft you love...even though there isn't enough time for it.
Perhaps your act of power is to reach outside of yourself and into someone in need.
Perhaps your act of power is to love, even when the other didn't feel like they were loving you back.
Perhaps your act of power is kindness in the face of anger.
Perhaps your act of power iss to set a boundary even though it isn't understood by all.
Perhaps your act of power is to look on the bright side when all else seemed lost.
Perhaps your act of power is to tell your authentic truth, even though goes against the flow.
Perhaps your act of power is to take one small step toward consciousness and away from habit.
Perhaps your act of power is to remember again and again and again and again....a thousand and one times.
Congratulations. You made a choice. You've made dozens of them. And each of them leads you to the life you dream. The life that was dreamed for you before there even was a you...dreamed for you by your deepest self...whatever you decide to call it. And over time... when the third chakra lines up with that will, you'll fed the wolf that wins.
